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AN EVERYDAY RESOLUTION: DON'T BE A @#$^*!!?!

As you know, I think Matt Homann's got some good advice in his Resolutions for Lawyers.

I'd like to add a resolution, based on an experience I had while dropping off my brother, sister-in-law and infant niece at San Francisco International Airport last week. I pulled up at curbside check-in with their 20 bags. As we began to unload the car, the following scene unfolded:

Guy #1 is a hipster in a Sherlock Holmes hat and sunglasses. He approaches Guy #2, a shorter, hatless fellow in a nice sweater with both arms through his backpack straps. They're both in their late 20s.

Guy #2 is returning his luggage cart to the Smart Cart kiosk, the kind where you have to pay $3 to extract a cart. It's a pretty busy morning, but it's the week before Christmas and some of the airline folks are wearing smiles and Santa hats. Pretty festive.

HIPSTER: Hi! Hey, man, mind if I grab your cart?

SWEATER: Silent. Freezes, hands on cart.

HIPSTER: Smiles, relaxed and friendly.

Suddenly, SWEATER narrows his eyes and darts two feet past HIPSTER to jam the rental cart back into the cart kiosk.

HIPSTER: Wha..? Hey, man, what're you doing, man!?

SWEATER: Makes a nasty face at Hipster, puts both hands on his backpack straps and tries to walk quickly away.

HIPSTER: Hey, F--- YOU, man! You MUTHAF---ER, WHAT AN A--HOLE, MAN! HEY!!!!!! Little f--ker...

SWEATER: Runs into building

At this point, my sister-in-law is staring open-mouthed at both these men, her hands clapped over her baby's ears. She's appalled. My brother, who was putting the baby seat into some crazy suitcase, is kneeling on the curbside, pounding the concrete as he howls with laughter. I am crying I'm laughing so hard.

LISA: Barely able to speak. Hey, Merry Christmas, man.

HIPSTER: Did you see that little f--ker?? Holy s--- man, what a @#$^!!!@$%!$!!! I'm going to get him.

LISA: Unable to talk, howling and wiping her eyes

LISA'S BROTHER: Still kneeling on ground, giggling. Listen, do you need $3 man? Seriously. No problem.

HIPSTER: looking brokenhearted. No, man, I have the money, it's just ... oh man. Walks away.

LISA AND BRO collapse again. Sister-in-law rolls eyes and stalks off.

LISA'S BROTHER: You know what's going to happen. That little s--- is going to be sitting next to him on the plane. Oh, man I hope it's our flight.

HIPSTER: Comes back to stuff money into cart kiosk.

LISA: Preparing to drive away. Hey, seriously, Merry Christmas, man. Geez...

HIPSTER: Smiling again, but still shaking his head. Yeah. It's cool. Merry Christmas.

I'm just glad my eight-year-old wasn't present for this particular display of holiday selfishness. My question for you is -- what shall I resolve, to give away carts or to demand at least some of my $3 from my fellow passengers? I'm leaning toward the gift -- $3 seems a small price to pay to help someone out, given everything else that's going wrong in the world.

How about your holiday travels -- what did you witness? E-mail me here. I'd love to blog your story this week.

Posted by Laurel Newby on December 27, 2004 at 01:15 PM | Permalink | TrackBack (1)

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» @ THE WATERCOOLER from Legal Blog Watch
Now you can hang up and drive My second-favorite thing about airports is lane-wrestling with every other driver who's lapping terminals, looking for the person they're picking up while yawping into cell phones. Help is at hand, reports Monica Bay, [Read More]

Tracked on Jan 10, 2005 7:06:18 PM

 
 
 
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