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A Titillating Tell-All Book for Small-Firm Lawyers

So there's another BigLaw tell-all making the circuit. First there was lawyer-turned-sex-novelist Deidre Dare, whose erotic stories about a fictional BigLaw lawyer's party life in Moscow were said to be based on her real-life experiences there as a lawyer with Allen & Overy. Now comes the former Sidley Austin associate known only as ZZ and his memoir about sex, drugs and fast-living while working in Sidley's office in Beijing.

As scandalously delicious as these books may be, they leave the literary and legal worlds with the distinct misimpression that only BigLaw lawyers have libidinous tales to tell. The truth is, life is no less lascivious for lawyers in solo and small firms. Even though discretion keeps us from blasting our bawdy behavior to the world at large, do not for a nanosecond believe it's all billable time behind our closed office doors.

Hoping to help set the record straight on behalf of solo and small-firm lawyers everywhere, I've decided it's time to write a tell-all of my own. I've just started to outline all the tawdry details, but to whet readers' appetites -- and, one might hope, set the stage for phenomenal book sales -- allow me to tease you with a few tantalizing tidbits I intend to reveal in all their salacious detail:

  • How I PARTIED ON A SIX-FIGURE INCOME. (If you count the cents column.)
  • The time I SPENT A WEEKEND with my office manager. (Granted, she was my wife.)
  • My WILD RIDE IN A FAST CAR. (At least my son enjoyed Space Mountain.)
  • The time I ATE 'SHROOMS at a judicial reception. (How those caterers stuff in so many breadcrumbs, I'll never know.)
  • The object of MY SECRET LUST. (I'll get that new scanner one of these days.)
  • My SIX HOURS IN A HOTEL ROOM with opposing counsel. (I thought the deposition would never end.)
  • How I SQUANDERED MY EXPENSE ACCOUNT on a business associate. (Who knew Applebee's would cost more than $20?)
  • Why I once had a STRIPPER IN THE OFFICE. (The place looked much better once the old wallpaper was gone.)
  • The time I TOOK MONEY FROM MY TRUST ACCOUNT. (It was right after I billed the client and earned the fee.)
  • How I SECRETLY ADMIRE MY EMPLOYER. (Wait, that's weird, I am my employer.)
  • Why I decided to COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. (Once I put the broom away, what else would I do in there?)
  • The time I offered to PLEASE THE COURT. (My opponent in the appellate argument had already made the same offer.)
  • My ALL-NIGHTER ON COKE. (Diet Coke, actually, but at least I made the filing deadline.)

Not wanting to give it all away, let me stop there. No doubt, I've already revealed enough to make my point. The life of a small-firm lawyer is no less glamorous, no less scandalous, no less titillating than that of any BigLaw lawyer working in some exotic overseas city. The one place I'm stuck is on a title. Dare called her book Expat. ZZ named his China High. I'm thinking something like Solo Survivor.

Posted by Robert J. Ambrogi on May 28, 2009 at 11:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

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