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The Legal Blog Watch 5-Point Checklist for Bank Robbers

Vault I've been Legal Blog Watch-ing here for less than three months, but I feel that on one narrow topic -- bank robbery -- I have already gotten a thorough enough education from the blawgosphere to offer some specific pointers.

Here are five important points for bank robbers to keep in mind:

  • Punctuality: This one is really quite simple. If you arrive at the bank after it is closed and the doors are locked, your plan will be foiled. You need to get yourself a decent watch and arrive at the bank during banking hours, not at 5:36 p.m.
  • Oral hygeine: Often overlooked amongst inexperienced robbers, but important. If your breath is so bad that it becomes part of the description the tellers give to the police, you are doing it wrong. Get yourself a good toothbrush and a bottle of Listerine to eliminate this risk.
  • Obvious patterns: There are lots of banks in the world and even in your home town. There is no need to have a "go-to" bank for robberies. If you find yourself robbing the same bank so many times that the tellers recognize you when you come in and say, "It's him again," you need to get yourself a Yellow Pages and a navigation system for your getaway car and branch out.
  • Penmanship: Ask yourself this question, robbers: If your hold-up note is written so sloppily that the teller cannot read it, forcing you to then go re-write the darn thing more legibly on a bank deposit slip during the robbery, is it really serving its intended purpose? Hardly. Give yourself sufficient time before the robbery itself to write a legible hold-up note or have an accomplice with better handwriting write it for you.
  • Acknowledge your physical limitations: Let's face it, not all wannabe bank robbers are spring chickens. But that doesn't have to stop you. If you are 70 or 80 years old and cannot rob a bank without bringing along your oxygen tank, then doggone it, you bring that oxygen tank. There are no style points awarded here, and it will not help you to run out of breath as you flee walk from the scene.

Posted by Bruce Carton on December 15, 2009 at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)


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