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Judge Carton Rules: Airplane Oversleepers and Google Map Slaves

Welcome back to Judge Carton Rules, where a fake judge issues rulings to spare the parties to cases in which the outcome is obvious the time and expense of further litigation. Here is today's docket:

Case 1: Ginger McGuire fell asleep on a flight from D.C. to Philly that landed shortly after midnight. She claims no one woke her up until a cleaning crew found her four hours later. Her lawsuit alleges "false imprisonment, emotional distress and negligence" against United Airlines.

Judge Carton's ruling: You were asleep during the alleged imprisonment and distress, so United's future motion to dismiss is hereby GRANTED, and you get nothing. In the alternative, I rule that you are awarded $100 for the airline's negligence, but must pay $101 to the cleaning crew for the wake up service. Your call, please see the clerk on the way out.

Case 2: Lauren Rosenberg has sued Google after she was hit by a car while following walking directions provided by Google Maps on her cell phone. She claims the Google Maps BlackBerry application told her to walk along a dangerous highway with no sidewalks to get from one Park City, Utah, address to another and, shocker, she was hit by a car while doing so.

Judge Carton's ruling: I came back from the beach for this? Google's future motion to dismiss is hereby GRANTED and the plaintiff is forbidden from using any type of smartphone with Internet access for a period of 60 months. In addition, the plaintiff is hereby ORDERED to watch the video below within the next 30 days, and certify to this court that she has done so.

Posted by Bruce Carton on June 2, 2010 at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)


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