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Heavily Armed Canadian Feared Elves, Made Death Threats on Facebook

That's the sort of headline you just kind of want to leave alone, floating pristinely on the page for all to ponder. But that's not what we do here, so enjoy the quick and dirty:

Via Karl's Weird News (no, I don't know who Karl is) and CTV News, comes the tale of David Abitbol, a 28-year-old Montreal resident who appeared at a bail hearing on Wednesday, after having been charged with threatening -- on Facebook -- to kill certain former teachers and classmates. Police took these threats rather seriously, it seems, because Abitbol had a veritable arsenal of weapons in his house, including handguns, "high-powered rifles" and a .12-gauge shotgun.

These weapons were properly registered, so let's give David the benefit of the doubt and allow him to explain why he felt he needed to be so "well protected."

Elf A man charged with uttering death threats on Facebook armed himself with high-powered weapons because he feared he was being stalked by elves, a Montreal court was told Wednesday.

Quebec provincial police told David Abitbol's bail hearing that he told a friend on the Internet that his .12-gauge shotgun was just what he needed to kill the mythical creatures.

Oh. Well, OK. I guess that's sort of reasonable. I mean, this sounds like a serious problem, not your garden variety elf stalking:

Sgt. Mathieu Bouliane, a Quebec provincial police investigator, read numerous messages Abitbol had written to correspondents on the Internet in which he said he repeatedly saw and heard elves at home and in stores.

At one point, after hearing static on his office walkie-talkie, he complained the elves had followed him there and he would quit if they showed up again.

I hate when the elves mess with my office walkie-talkie.

Just for good measure, David was also charged with being a kiddie porn afficionado, the police having recovered at least 250 inappropriate images of girls aged 10-14 on his computer.

PLEASE go watch the video clip on the CTV site for the stereotypically awesome Canadian accent of the reporter, as well as the image of the prosecutor (whose name is apparently Steeve, with an extra "e") all decked out in his fancy court attire.

And, always, beware of the dwarf.

Posted by Eric Lipman on October 15, 2010 at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

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