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The Day's Three Burning Legal Questions

Here are today's three burning legal questions, along with the answers provided by the blogosphere.

1) Question: Pursuant to a cease-and-desist order we are trying to obtain in federal court, the defendant will not be able to sell certain items for two (2) months. Prior to the time we filed our motion, the defendant was infringing on our trademarks due to his unlawful sales. How can we --

Answer: STOP!! Are you trying to write like a tool? Because in two sentences you have already violated Rules 1 through 5 in the "20 Ways to Write Like a Tool" handbook. (Above the Law, 20 Ways to Write Like a Tool)

2) Question: Every doggone day I apply the "Nivea My Silhouette! with Bio-Slim Complex" cream to my stomach and thighs. But unlike the woman in the commercial, my old skinny jeans are definitely NOT fitting me any better. Am I applying the cream incorrectly? 

Answer: Sorry, but this week the maker of that cream entered into a settlement with the FTC and is now "barred from claiming that any product applied to the skin causes substantial weight or fat loss or a substantial reduction in body size." (The BLT: The Blog of Legal Times, FTC Wins Fat Settlement Over Skinny Lotion Ads)

3) Question: I just moved to the Hangzhou, Zhejiang province in China. Why do dozens of pregnant women keep stealing all of my stuff?

Answer: Don't worry, that gang of 46 pregnant women has finally been arrested and prosecuted for their many thefts (averaging 400 per month). The gang members repeatedly got pregnant because until now police would not usually arrest pregnant women. (Legal Juice, The Most Unusual Criminal Gang Ever?)

Posted by Bruce Carton on July 1, 2011 at 01:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

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