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R.I. Woman Fights for Her Cockatoo's Right to Call Neighbor a 'F*cking Whore'

We all have our times when things aren't going well, when every last thing just seems to be going poorly. But look at the bright side -- at some of these things that are almost certainly not happening to you right now:

1. You do not live 50 feet away from your ex-husband's new girlfriend.

2. The ex-wife of your new boyfriend who lives 50 feet away from you didn't teach her cockatoo to call you a "f*cking whore."

3. You are not the prosecutor responsible for pursuing the "animal-noise ordinance" violation against the cockatoo owner, nor are you the judge who had to hear the case and issue a decision in a motion to dismiss it.

I feel better already, don't you? You're welcome!

In Warwick, R.I., a cockatoo named Willy and his owner, Lynne Taylor, are reportedly being charged with violating the city's animal-noise ordinance. The Providence Journal reports that Taylor and her neighbor, Kathleen Melker, are now facing off in court concerning this ordinance after Taylor allegedly trained the bird to call Melker a "f*cking whore." Melker is not only Taylor's neighbor, who lives just 50 feet away, but also her ex-husband's new girlfriend.

Although Melker could have taken a more "Ron Burgundy-esqe" approach to the bird's talent ("You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate a whole wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? I'm not even mad ... that's amazing"), she was mad and apparently managed to get Melker accused of violating the city's animal-noise ordinance. Taylor elected to fight the $15 fine in municipal court on the grounds that it was vague and unconstitutional. According to the Providence Journal, however, a judge denied Taylor's request to dismiss the case last week.

On the Internet, people seem to be supporting Willy. With over 1,000 votes recorded, over 62 percent of voters say that yes, "Willy the salty-mouthed cockatoo has First Amendment rights."

Posted by Bruce Carton on September 10, 2012 at 04:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

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