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Time for 'Delicate Geniuses' to Get Their Comeuppance

Waiting Room It's been a while since we checked in with D.A. Confidential and his trusty sidekick "The Assistant." But Confidential's most recent post requires broad dissemination.

Confidential acknowledges that his day job as a prosecutor doesn't give him the authority to write new laws, but, much like our own Judge Carton, blogging imbues Confidential with any powers he damn well pleases. So he has enacted the following statute, applicable to doctors:

If a person makes an appointment for a specific time, it shall be a felony to make that person wait more than half an hour. Specifically:

-- a state jail felony for between 30 and 45 mins;

-- a third degree felony for between 45 mins and 1 hour;

-- a second degree felony for between [sic] any time over 1 hour.

Confidential also eliminates affirmative defenses such as the shuffling of patients from waiting room to examination room; the clock runs from appointment time through the actual appearance of a doctor. As for the prescribed penalties, well, I've never seen a better example of the punishment fitting the crime:

-- community service: providing free, on-time, and cheerful service to the indigent and homeless.

-- drug / alcohol / anger management treatment: it wouldn't matter if the doctor suffered from any of these. After all, needless treatments are already part of their world.

-- fifty minutes a day, every day for a week, on a hard plastic chair with only a poster of AIDS symptoms and a 1997 copy of Time magazine to look at.

-- at least one bodily invasive procedure, chosen by the victim. If a second degree, performed by the victim.

If Confidential ever does decide to run for office, he's got my vote.

Posted by Eric Lipman on May 6, 2010 at 02:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)


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