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Judge Carton Rules: Fountain-Falling Text Lady vs. Mall Workers

Welcome back to Judge Carton Rules, where a fake judge issues rulings to spare the parties to cases in which the outcomes are obvious the time and expense of further litigation. There is just one case on today's docket. We'll hear now from counsel for the the plaintiff:

PLAINTIFF'S COUNSEL: Thank you, your honor. Jackie Chiles on behalf of the plaintiff. My client was walking through a mall while texting a friend about a birthday party and, long story short, she walked directly into a fountain. Not the concrete surround of the fountain, mind you. My client walked straight into the fountain wall and fell head first, fully clothed, into the water.

She quickly hopped out of the fountain and went on her way, but that was not the end of her ordeal, your honor. You will not believe this, judge, but during the five seconds that she was in the fountain, no one came to her aid. That's outrageous, egregious, preposterous. And I question the wisdom of placing a body of water inside a mall in the first place -- that is an accident just waiting to happen!

Also, now a video of her falling into the fountain has somehow emerged and gone viral on the Internet, causing her humiliation.


JUDGE CARTON: It is impossible to tell who the person falling into the fountain is from this video. How was your client humiliated by this video?

PLAINTIFF'S COUNSEL: Your honor, my client says that members of her church were able to recognize her in the video from "the way she walks."

JUDGE CARTON: Case dismissed.

Posted by Bruce Carton on January 21, 2011 at 03:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)


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