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Things You Can't Do on a Plane: Vol. 2

I just posted "Things You Can't Do on a Plane: Volume 1" less than two weeks ago, but already it is time for Volume 2. Here are more things I've recently learned that you cannot do on a plane:

  • Pretend to be a soldier to get an upgrade to first class seating. You may not dress up like a soldier with camo fatigues, a military-style buzz cut and fake dog tags in order to get bumped to first classCONSEQUENCE: You may be arrested and charged with the crime of "second-degree impersonation."

  • Send a text message to all passengers seated in the premium economy section reading, "Get up, you c***ts." This prohibition applies to flight attendants, who may not send a message reading "Get up, you c***ts" (rhymes with "hunts") to the TV screens of all passengers in premium economy. CONSEQUENCE: Possible termination of employment for flight attendants and refunds/compensation for recipients of message.

  • Bash your flight crew over an open mic for being "gays and grannies." This prohibition applies to pilots, who may not complain on an open mic broadcasting over the air traffic control radio frequency that their 12 person flight crew is made up of 11 homosexuals and and a "granny." CONSEQUENCE: The pilot may be suspended without pay.

Posted by Bruce Carton on June 28, 2011 at 04:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)


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