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'Thou Shalt Not ...' Visit Six Flags Great America for the Remainder of Your Life

Recently I launched a series of "Thou Shalt Not ..." posts here at LBW to memorialize the growing number of instances I see where a corporation rolls out its "death penalty" punishment on a customer: "You can never come here [buy here] [eat here] again!!" 

The latest installment in this series:

Thou shalt not visit Six Flags Great America for the remainder of your life.

On Friday, the Chicago Tribune (via @segelke43) told the sad tale of Brian Gill, who made the mistake at some point in his life of parking his motorcycle at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Ill., without paying. Gill then compounded his problem by trying to re-enter the park after a guard told him to leave. The fallout from Gill's conduct is that he is now the bearer of a letter addressed to him that reads,

Attention! As a result of your infraction you are not permitted on the property of Six Flags Great America for the remainder of … your life.

The duration of Gill's sentence (his entire life) was reportedly penciled in by a Six Flags security guard.

Now Gill is sad. "I'm never going to get to take my child to Six Flags," he told the Tribune. "It's so weird. You come to this place since you were a little kid, and they're like: 'You can never come here again. Ever.'" Gill said it is like being "banned from summer." [Not to rub it in, Gill, but you'll never get to take your grandchildren or great-grandchildren to Six Flags, either. Just saying.

The Tribune notes that there is no obvious way for Gill to appeal his banishment or the life term penciled in by the security guard, or to somehow "earn parole." Gill's letter to the president of Six Flags Great America has gone unanswered. As a practical matter, I think Gill just needs to wait about 20 years until he is older and no longer looks like the "Do not let this man in the park" sign that is presumably hanging in the Six Flags in Gurnee, and then try to sneak back in.


Posted by Bruce Carton on September 6, 2011 at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)


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