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Judge Carton Rules: Supposed 'Auction' of Florida Marlins for $10 Million

Welcome back to Judge Carton Rules, where a fake judge issues rulings to spare the parties to cases in which the outcomes are obvious the time and expense of further litigation. There is just one case (via South Florida Lawyers) on today's docket. We'll hear now from counsel for the the plaintiff:

Plaintiffs Counsel: My client attended an awards banquet at which there was a charity auction. At one point in the auction the president of the Florida Marlins major league baseball team joked that the next item for bid was the Florida Marlins and he'd sell them for $10 million. My client promptly bid $10 million and nobody else said anything. Now, however, the Marlins won't sell the team (purchased in 2002 for $143 million and recently valued at $360 million) to my client for $10 million. That is outrageous, egregious, preposterous!

Defense Counsel: My client did not ---

Judge Carton: Thank you, counsel, I am ready to rule. I rule that the president of the Marlins, who does not own the team anyway, was obviously joking when he offer to sell the team at a charity auction for a fraction of its market value. I rule that your client has no sense of humor. I rule that people who jokingly say, "I'm going to kill him" when they are irritated with someone are not guilty of any crime. Costs and attorney fees for the 120 seconds that this hearing has taken up are hereby awarded to the defendant's charity.

Posted by Bruce Carton on February 28, 2012 at 02:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)


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