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Things You Can't Do on a Plane: Vol. 13

You might think that after Volume 1Volume 2Volume 3Volume 4Volume 5Volume 6Volume 7Volume 8, Volume 9Volume 10Volume 11 and Volume 12 of Things You Can't Do on a Plane, that we'd have exhausted the list of things you can't do on a plane. Nope! The list grows daily.

Here are three more things I've recently learned that you cannot do on a plane:

  • Pilots should not wish happy birthday to a "Mom on board." Because "Mom on board" sounds too much like "bomb on board," pilots should refrain from using that phrase during the flight so as to avoid creating panic among passengers. CONSEQUENCE: Pilot should promptly clarify with the passengers that he was wishing a mother on board a happy birthday, not announcing a bomb.
  • Attempt to send 79 live turtles to Shanghai as air cargo. Citizens may not ship 79 live Japanese pond turtles to another country by air, even if they are individually wrapped in nylon stockings to provide warmth and ventilation and then placed inside a cardboard box. CONSEQUENCEReturn to sender.
  • Whisper in natural whisper voices. Flight crew on Virgin Atlantic may not simply whisper as they see fit. They must learn the proper tone, volume (20 to 30 decibels) and sentiment to use with sleeping passengers. CONSEQUENCE: Mandatory training by Virgin Atlantic’s Whispering Coach. 

Posted by Bruce Carton on February 29, 2012 at 04:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)


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