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Things You Can't Do on a Plane: Vol. 22

You might think that after Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, Volume 14, Volume 15, Volume 16, Volume 17, Volume 18, Volume 19, Volume 20 and Volume 21 of Things You Can't Do on a Plane, that we'd have exhausted the list of things you can't do on a plane. Nope! The list grows daily.

Here are three more things I've recently learned that you cannot do on a plane:

• Point out damage to the wing flap of a Boeing 737 that is in active service with a handwritten note that says "We know about this." Aircraft maintenance workers should not highlight a wing flap on a passenger jet that is missing a piece by using a marker to scribble "We know about this" next to the damage. CONSEQUENCE: Airline will apologize for alarming its passengers, remove the writing and schedule the wing flap for a total repair.

• Inaugurate a new flight offered between two cities by having bikini-clad beauty queens perform in the aisle. Airlines may not celebrate a newly offered route by hiring a group of "bikini-clad beauty queens" to strut through the plane dancing to a song with the lyric "I'm crazy for banana." CONSEQUENCE: Airline will be fined for staging the show without receiving official approval.

• Cut in line during an open boarding process to get a better seat. Teenage passengers may not try to skip the line to obtain a better seat. CONSEQUENCE: Passenger will be required to read a personal apology to the entire plane over the plane's intercom system saying that "[m]y fellow travelers: Today, I come to you with great remorse. During the boarding process, I took advantage of this airline's kindness. While some of my teammates were called to the front of the line, I was not. And yet, I cut in line and took a seat that rightfully belonged to one of you good people. This is not how my coaches, teammates or parents expect me to behave, and for all of this I apologize. I hope you will all find it in your hearts to forgive me, for I am just a young man that thinks I am smarter than I am. Enjoy your flight, and remember to fly Southwest, because they let my coach do this to me."

Posted by Bruce Carton on August 10, 2012 at 04:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)