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Kissing Your Mom, and Other Ways to Smuggle Contraband In and Out of Prison

You are an inmate in prison. Your loved ones are not in prison. Sometimes you need things from them, and vice versa, but there are pesky armed prison guards, plexiglass walls and other significant impediments standing in the way of the free exchange of these items. As two stories I've seen in the past week illustrate, however, truly dedicated inmates and their loved ones can find a way to make a clandestine transfer of almost any item when they really want to. Here are two case studies:

1. Item to be transferred out of the prison: The inmate's sperm

Just because your husband is locked up for many years without conjugal visits doesn't mean your biological clock is going to stop ticking, am I right, ladies? That's why the wives of many inmates in Israel devised a plan to smuggle their husband's sperm out of the prison and straight to a fertility clinic where the sperm could be frozen and then used in IVF treatments. According to The Washington Post, a doctor at the Razan Center for IVF in the West Bank city of Nablus, has gathered inmate sperm samples allowing 22 prisoners' wives to undergo IVF treatment, with five pregnancies and at least one baby born earlier this year. 

So how does one smuggle sperm out of a prison where prisoners are separated from their family by a glass barrier? Relatives refused to say for fear of tipping off Israeli authorities, but did admit that "eye droppers" were part of the plan. Palestine lawyers speculated that as young children are allowed to hug their fathers, perhaps the eye dropper was exchanged and carried out. Lawyers also said that "sympathetic prison guards might also be willing to look the other way."

2. Item to be transferred into the prison: Oxycodone

Unlike transferring sperm out of prison, which presumably is aided by the element of surprise, prisons are clearly on the lookout for people trying to smuggle illegal drugs such as Oxycodone into the prison. To regain that element of surprise, family members trying to get Oxycodone to an inmate need to think outside the box a bit. For example, who would expect that a mother kissing an inmate son would be willing to (a) aid in the smuggling of Oxycodone, and (b) do so by actually passing them from her mouth to his while giving him a kiss? Nobody, that's who, which is why the plot worked.

The drugs were later discovered, however, and the deep-kissing mom and son were both charged with "promoting prison contraband." The mom is now free on bail while the son remains in jail on unrelated charges.

Posted by Bruce Carton on February 11, 2013 at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)


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